Blooming, presumably, we all dreamt of being ‘results-driven’, ‘thought leaders’, and ‘Content Kings’ – and Queens, or just Queens.  Mastering the not-so-fine-art of corporate buzzwords, phrases, and jargon; sitting in endless meetings deliberating over “whose budget is this coming out of”, the ‘Customer Lifecycle’ – as well as the soupçon inflated sales team’s pipe-line.  And, naturally, the red tape: you can’t so much as squeeze a new pack of multi-coloured Post-its through the company cage’s bars without a decision-inventory, two request forms, and the thumbs up from Rachel Riley wannabe, matrix-whizz, Carol in accounts.  

Grafting, as we do, for weighty conglomerates, keener than Weinstein-at-a-Hustlers-2-audition start-ups, or most corporations nowadays means being plunged into an extra’s role on the stage of Les Misérables: you exert your Paul Smith Crimson-‘Dino’-Motif Socks off for your shared bijoux Kilburn High St chambers, and the Puerto Banus annual jolly; the attention and wonga gravitate to the bigwigs; and, the setting is drearier than the wardrobe choices of your IT department.  Unless you’re Google of course, where meetings take place in spectrum-flushed ball-pits or sitting precariously on beanbags and Chusquea-culeou-bamboo hanging chairs in ‘Feel-Good’ spaces – you’ll endure LSD flashbacks ambling past reception, en route to the elevator, re the luminous feature wall and Jeff Koons Balloon Dogs dispersed within the lobby.  

Embracing said manufactured environment, as well as all aforementioned to contend with – and, aiming to be ‘first-to-market’; you’d hope that your peers and the big-cheeses would comprehend the elephant in the office, and hold politeness, courtesy, and respect towards colleagues in the same high regard as the organisation’s margins.  Applying the same uniform of consideration to coworkers as they do to non-corporate acquaintances. 

Professionalism and social skills aren’t too dissimilar to razor-sharp cheekbones and legs that tower lampposts: you’ve either got it; or it’s so beyond one’s reach, one might as well be grasping for a Covid-19 vaccination.  

Whether or not you’re a CEO, CFO, or an OJW (Obvious Jobsworth) – plentiful, unfortunately – the office is not Catterick Garrison Military Base.  We don’t salute those senior to us, or indeed tolerate Brigadier-on-parade tones of any kind, or Commander-esque behaviour.  Every person within your work habitat, from the diligent cleaners, the trapped like Bubble Eyed Goldfish reception staff, to the spreadsheet-budget-bandits, are entitled to equality, appreciation, and R-E-S-P-E-C-T; find out what it means… 

If the been there for donkeys, socially inept, has the same finesse with humans as Veet does to body hair, Head of Tweets and Paperclips – has a touch of Tourette’s while passing you in the corridor, or is rude during a conference call – you’d be lingering in HR, speedier than Andrex vacating Waitrose week one of lockdown, with your complaint.  And rightly so.

Yet, curt communication, rude responses, and discourteous dialogue thrive internally; such emails are as prevalent as Boris Johnson’s illegitimate children.  Alas, never mentioned, brought to the forefront – rather, brushed under the desktop.

Say, for example, you pinged over a friendly email to an associate – and this was their reply:

I’ve moved HappyEnergy’s travel costs to the miscellaneous tab on April’s budget 

Any further costs relating to HappyEnergy will be determined at the time

No pleasantries, or so much as a Hi (which isn’t great, but can be forgiven), but not even a courteous Best, Regards, Thanks, Cheers, Arrive-bloody-derci.  Nada, zero – sod-all.  Mr Antartica-charisma is clearly above manners, too extraordinary to finish with a four-letter close, and so god-like that punctuation is beneath him.  

Comparable to our current global climate; let’s bring more applause to all in the workplace, keep a professional distance with kindness when we’re back in the office, and display a rainbow of civility in all correspondence (especially now during lockdown) – We’re All In This Together.