The invisible enemy is rippling across Blighty much like chlamydia at a Stormy Daniels pool party.  Our nation is on lockdown, we are housebound, confined to our overpriced bricks-and-mortar paying our eye-bleeding rents, or stratospheric mortgages – at least, for the time being, we’re getting our pennies worth.  This unbelievable phenomenon has become all too real.  Boozers are closed, bog roll is the new Hermés Birkin bag never to be seen on the self, and you’ve more chance of securing a front-row seat at Beyonće’s next intermit concert (post-apocalyptic doom), including Jay-Z foot rubbing privileges, than an Ocado delivery slot.

That said, let’s utilise our time at home, keep our cogs twirling, and morale higher than the infection rate.  Here are three top tips to stop you from going batty (see what I did there) in this pleomorphic-spherical-particle incarceration period. 

Forget Pandemic, Update Playlists

If you’re still hoovering to the harmonies of Hed Kandi circa 2000, wiggling to Whigfield classics while entertaining a gather-ette of chums, and loofah-ering to the la la las of Ms Minogue’s melodies pre your morning caffeine-fix – it’s time to administer some fresh beats.  There are a plethora of undiscovered downloadable bangers not so hidden within the tinterweb cosmos.  Head to NME, Pitchfork, and YouTube and commence titillating your tympanic cavities, broaden your buddies boundaries with new tribal bops from Botswana, and give your cringe-90s-wedding music library a well-deserved overhaul.

Release Your Mind With Sanitised Fingers 

Now, more than ever, you’ve time to while away a day with your deepest thoughts, reflect on your theories and conclusions, bathe in your opinions and overlooked feelings.  Now is the moment to share your labyrinth of semi-precious stones with the rest of the solitary-constricted, gripping to this mortal coil – start a blog.  As long as your points of view are more Kim Basinger than Kim Jong Un, put your digits to work immediately.  FYI: Thabulous operates on WordPress. 

Odd Jobs Outbreak 

As you’re all aware, life in our beloved Old Smoke can have the sensation of being permanently strapped into one of Alton Towers’ finest – hurtling through existence with extreme highs and lows, and one wrong move boarding the Northern Line, you could lose a limb.  Today, the foot is off of the proverbial accelerator, we’ve screeched to a halt, time surrounds us like the smog in the air and the endless group WhatsApp messages on your dog-and-bone.  Fill this void by fixing your leaky pipes, declutter your under-cracker drawer, or simply go the full Kelly Hoppen and cake your whole interior in taupes, Nordic hays, and coconut husks.  Nothing screams armageddon like a celebrity-style dwelling makeover.