For over 90% of you, the illustrations below are as natural as inhaling oxygen, putting one Gucci loafer in front of the other, slipping into a pair of clean lacy under-crackers come sunrise – inbuilt, your moral compass simply points towards: “what would you like?”, “it’s my turn”, “no, let me get this”.
When one hosts din-dins, one provides vino – elementary. If you’re a guest, and the entertainer slurps alcohol, you arrive grape juice in-hand – goes without. The same as opening your eyelids pre-rising from your 13.5 Tog, Hungarian Goose Down, right?
If you’re out with a group of chums, and halfway through your pint-in-every-supping-establishment-in-Soho, and your glass needs replenishing, you offer your beer-buds first – you wouldn’t stealth-mode off to the bar to buy yourself a beverage, would you? Equal to minding the gap.
If you were standing in a queue, for let’s say, almond milk latte, hot sandwich, or similar – with the person you love right behind you, you wouldn’t just order for yourself… Retarded as that seems – of course, you wouldn’t. Again, similar to brushing your tusks before silky jammies time.
When a pal or significant other agrees to sort out tickets, a hotel room, or perhaps another collective purchase – and the arrangement was you’d transfer your share. As soon as you receive the damage from the organiser; app open, wonga sent, almost immediately. You certainly should not be required to ask twice. Much like braking at a red light.
If you borrowed, for example, a piece of clobber from a compardre or romantic acquaintance – you’d return the item, on your next rendezvous, clean – and in the same condition as received. You wouldn’t wear the garment numerous times, thus ruining, with no intention of returning – and only when cornered, under duress, hand back. Don’t be silly – Halls of Residence days are long gone.
Of course, there are individuals out there with small incomes and a plethora of outgoings – and, with prior conversations with folk, some of the above can be forgiven. It’s those who circumnavigate away from the bar – “DOUBLE PLEASE” – if they can calculatedly (punching-the-air) get away with not having to reach for their, has-the-same-repulsion-to-daylight-as-blood-enthusiasts, wallet out – they will.
Frugality is a trait where someone is careful with their pennies, hunts down a bargain, is economical with the Tesco jaunt – they’re not going to be seen in a three Michelin starred restaurant anytime soon. But, will pay their way, and be upfront about not wanting to imbibe in pricy martini gaffs. As long as people are upfront and honest, so be it.
Then there’s tighter-than-a-budgie’s-poop-shooter, oh Tighty-Tight Bollox; will drain your booze cabinet dry, clutching one bottle of on-offer plonk on arrival – never to return the favour. Enjoys a fag, but ideally will ponce as many nicotine-fixes as humanly possible until forced to purchase said cancer-sticks to quash craving. If there’s an expense account in sniffing distance, they covertly frogmarch-to-town on the cocktail menu – and turn mute when the bill arrives. All unrepentant with a slight perverted kick having not spent a coin.
Tightness, comparable to Psoriasis – both ugly, require medical attention, and are incurable. It’s deep-seated – and when untreated is immensely extremity-curling and heart-crushingly-horrid to be around. It’s not the dollar – it’s the mean-spirit of another human being crouching and hiding to avoid chipping in for their share, equality, and just common decency – even worse when said Ebenezer has a decent chunk-of-change in the bank.
