Hallelujah and praise Dries Van Noten, the Holy Grail of retail has reopened its Grade II listed, metallic/soiled-bonze gateway to Kenzo, Comme des Garçons, and Tom Ford Promised Land.
We can all breathe a sigh of relief as our drapery, objet d’art, and eau de parfum oracle’s escalators can once again bear the weight of salivating-through-purse-clasps out-of-towner fashionistas, the Middle Eastern Moschino/Dior clad contingent; and the LV and Medusa motif caked, label obsessed comrades from the Far East, can flex their plastic-fantastic and stimulate the flaccid consumer economy in the Old Smoke’s only store that matters.
The predicted stampede of Coutts account holders/Vogue and GQ readers – we’re still amidst a semi-lockdown, and the tarmac at Heathrow is accommodating more discarded surgical masks than airbuses – came to fruition as much as social distancing did on Bournemouth’s coast.
Having sashayed through Selfridges perfumery last week – the profusion of sensual ylang-ylang, Egyptian jasmine, sandalwood and luminous musks cleansed all isolation toxins in seconds – expecting emporium-apocalypse, only to find department store utopia.
A hero’s reception (“Welcome back to Selfridges”) from three buzzing-on-some-kinda-stimulant retail-queens before the bouquets from Europe’s largest fragrance gallery could tease one’s senses – and no queue within whiffing distance.
Once Prada-decorated tootsies touch the marble floor, you’re greeted with a gift greater than a 65% off Spring/Summer sale – aisles you can swing a couple of Persian pussies and a full Vuitton luggage set. You’re able to glide through Men’s Contemporary, Designer Studios, and The Conran Shop without feeling you’re hemmed in on the A303 en route to Cornwall pre bank holiday weekend.
The hassled-free crew bob buoyantly between concessions like the British public gallivant around Blighty’s sandy shores – and they are accessible; meticulously merchandised untouched rails could obtain residence at the Tate Modern; and, you can fuel up on bubble teas, spirulina-infused juices, and as many lactose-free, hazelnut dusted, flat whites as you see fit prior – the bogs are open.
Forget the UK beaches this week, head to the golden yellow branded grocers to witness this phenomenon with your own mince-pies – get a wiggle on, restrictions ease again this Saturday.
