Goooood funking lord – we’re still amidst this Brexit-esque pandemic, incarcerated in yet another lockdown; while the Brazilian, South African and Kent variants globe-trot – clocking up more air miles than most. The past twelve months have had the Tiger Woods brake-pads effect on the general public; your sourdough creations are now receiving bitter receptions, if you could bottle your home atmosphere: pungent Sturgeon overtones, with ruby-rich juices of Salmond – Intoxicating, and the idea of spending yet another day glaring at the same four walls is becoming less preferable to launching yourself off Tower Bridge. Marbles are well hidden, and we’re a trifle miffed.
To add to this circus of horrors, and with a weighty (think Gemma Collins swallowed an anvil) heart, we’ve said: “auf wiedersehen” to our union with Europe. And unfortunately – much like our neighbours on the other side of the pond – we all know disciples who leaned towards division. Shudder. The UK has exceeded its overdraft limit, you’d need a Masters in ceramics and a PHD in miracles to piece back together Blighty’s exhausted piggybank. We’re squillions of pounds in the red – ta Corona. The Not-So Dishy, Rishi – more Scatterbrain (completely forgot to mention my wife’s a billionaire) Sunak, has been dealing out the dough trying to keep this riddled maiden voyage afloat. With the inevitable rise of corporation and council tax – and no doubt income, inheritance, sales, air, and opinion for good measure – to keep us from nestling in the calcareous ooze at the bottom of the North Atlantic. Not-So (could just ask the old-golden-ball-and-chain for a handout), has his work cut out. Bleak. And after weeks bliss-free of scaremongering bile, the US’s very own tangerine Attila The Trump hints at running again in 2024. The Mars Rover had the right idea – it looks pretty sane up there in comparison.
We’re going extract our minds out of said funk for a few seconds, and marvel at the citrus elegance emanating from this rare, Antarctic’s answer to Claudia Schiffer, yellow-feathered king penguin – what a beaut.
The pale plume saffron-tinted bird (Spring/Summer vibes) shines a beacon of light in amongst its black tuxedo-wearing peers – we need to focus on our beam of sunshine: 12th April, 11am – pubs reopen. Keep ya p-p-pecker up.
